The 2005 Apologists for Palestinian Terrorism Awards

It's that time of the year again.


"The 2005 Apologists for Palestinian Terrorism Awards" are about to get underway.


The criteria for entrants remain as stringent as ever.  This usually means a total disdain for historical facts, completely whitewashing over 25,000 Palestinian terrorist attacks against Israel, or better still never even mentioning them and of course blaming Israel for every ill in the region. Of course unlike that other yearly event, The Miss World Contest, where a brain might be considered an advantage, these apologists have demonstrated time and time again, that not only is it not a pre-requisite, but that most of them have not even developed the capability of using theirs in any sort of rational manner.  


This years event, and in honour of the number of British entrants competing this year, is taking place in London. On a cold and damp December night, warmed only by dozens of sickly saccharine filled sentiments effusing from these hard core terrorist apologists, this year's fanfare promises to be better than ever.


Ken Livingstone has just arrived and fortunately this time ignores the press as he heads to his seat. He is not only a hot contender for the award, but will be performing later with would be homicide bomber Jenny Tonge, herself a firm favourite with the bookies.   Check out this pair of apologists as they team up later as Kenny and Jenny.   The couple will be taking that popular song "Something Stupid" to new heights of depravity, but unlike the Sinatra's and Robbie Williams with the lovely Nicole Kidman this couple won't be deploring the stupidity of love, but spoiling it all by saying Israel.  With the number of apologists around this year, could this be the much coveted Christmas number one in the UK charts, or should we be more respectful by calling it the 'Winter' number one.


A few people will be surprised to see Sue Blackwell make it to the event. After all between attempting to boycott Israel's academics and upholding that pathetic shrine of empathy towards humiliated Palestinians on her website, she must be busy 24/7.  This simpering neo-Nazi never misses an opportunity to vilify Israel. By the way now that winter has arrived donít forget to look out for Sue outside your local supermarket.  You will probably find her and her keffiya-clad cronies ambushing little old ladies that might have slipped a Jaffa Orange into their shopping trolley.  Still I'm sure we'd all like to wish her well in the Palestinian flag parade later in the evening. 


Here comes another newcomer, Daniel Machover.  If you ever wondered how low you need to go to put food on your table, Mr. Machover can give you plenty of insight into this phenomenon. A lawyer in London and an Israeli citizen, he has now become one of its strongest critics. Obviously unable to handle intricate acquisitions, procurements or contracts this self hating Jew now spends his days lurking in the dark corners of London's Airports ready to pounce on any Israeli Military personnel, who he claims have violated the human rights of Palestinians. Luckily this event is taking place on a Friday night and El Al upholds their policy of not flying on the Sabbath. This permits Mr. Machover a much needed day off and an opportunity to relax and enjoy the night with like-minded apologists. 


Here comes Hollywood has been and former star of stage and screen Vanessa Redgrave. Still an expert on walls and scheduled to give her much loved stirring account of her last cup of tea with Yasser Arafat later in the evening.  Could her sad little yarn of Yasser's chipped china tea cups and the sound of the occupying forces gunfire drowning out the pretty prepubescent voices of the Ramallah boy scouts choir win her the prize this year?  She came close last year with it, but if nothing else it should bring a tear to Barbara Pletts weepy and biased BBC eyes. 


Hot on the heels of Vanessa there is a real treat for the apologist this year, with Suha Arafat, not only providing one of the prizes, a framed photo of her late departed husband, but promising to bring the house down as she gives a poignant account of her years with Yasser. One thing's for sure, this isnít going to take long. After all Suha didnít spend more than five minutes with her husband their whole married life and lets face it four of them was while she was hovering protectively over him and his stolen billions as he breathed his last.


That brings us to Chris Patten, who in his position at the EU, still claims he was unable to find any evidence of Palestinian funds being diverted for terrorism. I suppose he is going to tell us that the Palestinians raised it from all those sale and bake mornings ran by a few resourceful women in Gaza.


Kofi Annan, twice time winner is as usual offering this year's winner one of the night's biggest prizes. Not only a chance to sit in on the next security council vote against Israel and lets face it you donít usually have long to wait for them, but his generosity will enable this years winner to actually come up with a resolution of their own. Too bad they are usually vetoed by one of the few staunch members of the council that still uphold truth and human dignity, the United States. Still itís a prize worth going after and a chance to get together with the Ambassadors from Sudan, Syria etc later in the day to commiserate on the unfairness of it all.  


Rumour is rife that George Galloway might make it to the ceremony that is unless he is held up in some corner of the Middle East coddling with another despot, dictator or tyrant.  


Christian Aid is hoping to pull a fast one over the Presbyterians this year, by taking the Group prize. These hardy Christians can still bring a tear to every apologist's eye just by recalling their 2004 Christmas appeal. Dedicated to the children of the Middle East torn apart by the conflict, unless of course they are Israeli children it followed the tragic tale of a seven year old Palestinian Christian girl caught in crossfire and blinded in one eye.  The Presbyterians are hoping to oust the Christians by their visits to Hezbollah and their threat of divesting from Israel, which has had us on the edge of our seats for the last five years.


This year the apologists will be able to retire during the intermission to the bar, aptly called Planet Palestine. As usual drinks like Bloody Mary, Rusty Nail and Screwdriver are all popular with the apologists.  No need to worry if you drink too much, as this year sees the welcome addition of the much acclaimed "Physicians for Human Rights".  These "humane" medics once described a Palestinian woman from Gaza, who used her medical pass into Israel as a ploy to smuggle several kilograms of explosives hidden in her underwear as "an unfortunate incident."  Thankfully she was caught and detained at the checkpoint, but not before she openly admitted  she had planned to detonate her explosive belt at the hospital treating her, with the intention of killing as many Israelis as possible, especially children.  The Physicians would go on to say that Israel should not use this as an excuse to revoke passes to Palestinians in the future. They really are all heart. 


The apologists really are going to need a good drink so they can enjoy Israel's number one delusionist, Ilan Pappe.  A short while ago this apologist even managed to shock a few hardliners in an audience at the University of London, when he told them that he thought he had seen everything until he saw "Israeli soldiers playing football with Palestinian babies in the West Bank".  This accusation was quickly followed by he though he had seen everything until he saw "Israeli soldiers tying Palestinian teenagers to jeeps and flailing them until nearly dead."  What's his latest hallucination going to be?  One thing's for sure the apologists are going to lap it up. 


This year the apologists will be able to enjoy some good music, compliments of Daniel Barenboim. He has just arrived from Ramallah and tension will be mounting as he is set to perform a symphony he has written himself.  Dedicated to the popular cult figure and Jihadist Rachel Corrie, this lovely musical adaptation has been named "Rachel Corrie Ė the unfinished symphony."  


The Corries, now suing Caterpillar are sitting with Suha. They could have used their tragic loss in a way that could very well help save another young life from being so wasted by organizations like ISM.  Preying on the gullible, they are seduced and tempted by hooded thugs into acting as decoys in dangerous war zones.  Their power lies in romancing these youngsters into believing that blowing up Israeli children on buses and in pizza parlours is part of a noble and justifiable cause. 


This year the Emerald Isle is sending there own apologist. The bookies are not dismissing the luck of the Irish. The Dubliner, which bills itself as 'The Definitive Guide to Irish Culture" seem to have a bad case of culture confusion.  Irish Labor Minister Justin Keating submitted a scathing piece where he calls into question Israel's right to exist.  In terms that the apologists can relate to he says "the Zionists have absolutely no right in what they call Israel that they have built their state not beside but on top of the Palestinian people, and that there can be no peace as long as contemporary Israel retains its present form."  Well there you have it and about as damning as you are going to get.  Still with fighting talk like that you have to start wondering if the Irish can emulate their phenomenal success in The Eurovision Song Contest by dominating the Apologist for Palestinian Terrorism Award's for years to come.


WellÖ.. here we go. Hanan Ashrawi has just moved the audience to tears with her heart wrenching tale of how one day she was playing innocently on her little swing, when the occupying forces swept into her garden, trampled the flowers, pulled down the swing and stole her land and dignity.  She is being handed the envelope and in reverse order will soon be announcing this years winners. You can barely hear a pin drop.


One thing's for sure though, who ever wins this year, the only thing they are going to apologize for, is not for their blatantly one sided bias and narrow minded views. 


G-d forbid! 


The only thing this year's winner is going to apologize for is to the other apologists for winning


"The 2005 Apologists for Palestinian Terrorism Award"


Angela Bertz Ė Israel







Our special thanks to the author for submitting this article. A. G. S.